


I Lost Myself In Losing You

by RayllaEndgame



Category: Motherland: Fort Salem (TV)
Genre: Comfort/Angst, F/F, Feels, Idk you decide, Introspection, It’s feels week ladies and gentlemen, Light Angst, Post-Canon, Scylla is BIG MAD, finished this at 3am, okay maybe medium angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26611864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RayllaEndgame/pseuds/RayllaEndgame
Summary: What if Scylla was there when the Camarilla found Raelle?
Relationships: Abigail Bellweather/Raelle Collar, Raelle Collar/Scylla Ramshorn
Comments: 5
Kudos: 75





	I Lost Myself In Losing You

**Author's Note:**

> Slight warning, there is a fight, some mention of blood (nothing too bad I promise), lots of time spent in Scylla's head though.  
> She's BIG mad
> 
> I'm a little sorry in advance.
> 
> Enjoy! <3

It had been three days. Three days since she got the news that filled her heart with hope where once there was none. 3 days since they’d been walking through the desert, sweat beading their foreheads, their breaths labored with the effort it took just to keep them upright. The only solace that night would soon fall and the cool of the desert air would provide some relief.

“Water break,” Edith called from the middle of their procession, her words cut off by the collective sighs of relief and exhaustion by the rest of their party as they all but collapsed to the ground, some almost moaning at the feel of the cool liquid running down their parched throats and over their chins, quenching and soothing as it went.

“Shouldn’t we stop for the night? We’ve been walking for hours and there hasn’t been any sign-”

“No,” Scylla said, the finality in her tone causing every head to turn in her direction. “We’re here to find Rae- Private Collar and that’s what we’re going to do. Besides, we’ll probably be safer at night, there’s less sun and any Camarilla in the area won’t be expecting us running around in the dark” she added, hoping logic would cover up her almost-slip.

Edith looked at her skeptically for a moment, seeming to weigh her motivations against their duty. She stared her down, searching her eyes for some hint, some sign maybe that confirmed for her what she no doubt already knew. Scylla stared her down, unflinching under the scrutiny before the older woman blinked, conceding.

“Ramshorn’s right,” she agreed, “we’re better off moving through at least part of the night. We can set up camp in a few hours then we’ll take shifts on watch just in case.”

The rest of them nodded and mumbled their agreement, albeit begrudgingly, as they savored the last few moments of their rest before packing up and continuing their search.

_They have to be here...somewhere_

Scylla held onto that thought like a lifeline, like the only thread left that was keeping her grounded, keeping her from disappearing completely. Even now she could feel the doubt licking at her consciousness, threatening to swallow her whole at the tiniest hint of weakened resolve. 

_No,_ she shook the thought from her head. She had to hold on to the hope that Raelle was still alive, still out there somewhere, alive and fighting. A small smile made its way onto the brunette’s face as she thought about the hell Raelle could be giving the Camarilla at this very moment.

_I’m coming Rae. Just hold on a little longer._

________________

“AH,” Raelle exclaimed as she ducked back into the cave and out of the range of a very strange but no doubt deadly windstrike.

“What, so they’re using basic against us now?” Abigail griped.

Raelle huffed out a laugh between breaths “Almost makes me miss Izadora’s ‘demonstrations’...almost”

“Yeah well if we don’t do something soon we might get a refresher course, except with a twist ending-”

Their conversation was cut off as another blast rocked the cave they were sheltering in, the rocks around them, but more importantly _above_ them groaning ominously as smaller chunks rained down around them.

“I don’t know how much longer we can stay here Abs,” Raelle warned, eyeing a fissure in the rocks above that seemed to be inching its way toward them.

“Well-” 

Another crash had them sputtering and hastily blinking the dust from their eyes.

“Any ideas?”

Raelle looked around helplessly, searching for some option, a way out that they had possibly overlooked in their haste to get to cover and-

_Aha_

She spied an opening near the back of the cave. Abigail followed her line of sight and visibly stiffened when she realized what Raelle was thinking.

“No, no way, absolutely not”

Raelle rolled her eyes “Well, it’s either that or we go out there and hope they suddenly need to take a water break”

“We have no idea where that even goes! It could be a dead-end, or worse, it could lead to more of _them_ ” she gestured behind them at the soldiers outside.

Raelle sighed, exasperated, “You got a better plan?” Abigail remained silent, the conflict on her face mirroring the one in Raelle’s mind. This was a bad idea and she knew it. Abigail was right if they got stuck down here, it’s game over but- Another round of windstrikes struck the walls of the cave, one of them taking a decent chunk off the rock they were presently using as cover, leaving them all but exposed. Another loud groan from the rocks above them and the cave was shaking, showering them with debris. This was it, they had a choice to make and they were out of time to make it. Raelle looked up at her unit leader, awaiting her decision.

“Ah fuck” she groaned and bolted for the back of the cave, Raelle hot on her heels. The cave rumbling above and below them got louder and louder with each step they took as the cave began to collapse in on itself. Making one final push they dove through the opening, just barely making it before a large chunk of rock fell to the ground, sealing them in.

They both lay prone on the ground, breaths jagged and adrenaline pumping.

Abigail was the first up, bruising the dust from her pants and surveying their new surroundings. Raelle followed her with her eyes, watching as she eyed the back of the cavern.

_Well, at least we know we’re not trapped...yet_

She got up and dusted herself off before pulling out her torch and aiming it into the dark expanse.

“See?” she teased, “Not trapped”

Abigail quirked an eyebrow as they both stared down the darkness.

“‘Yet’ shitbird, we’re not trapped ‘yet’” she corrected, taking a step forward.

“Always the optimist huh Bellweather?” she joked half-heartedly. The truth is she wasn’t sure about their plan of action either. These caves could go on for miles, or they could find themselves at a dead-end in minutes, or, even worse, it could spit them out exactly where they started, with a plethora of fully armed Camarilla soldiers before them and no shelter in sight. She didn’t know which outcome was worse. Not that it mattered now anyway. The only other exit was now blocked by who knows how many tons of rock with the aforementioned soldiers on the other side. 

_Well, no turning back now_

Raelle sighed, trudging forward after her unit leader, both of them heading into the unknown.

________________

“Raelle!” Scylla cried, her previous exhaustion forgotten as she watched the walls of the cave collapse before her eyes.

_She was too late_

She was so close, Raelle was right there, so close she could hear her screams as the rocks plummeted down onto her. That was it, the last vestige of light that existed in this cruel world had been snuffed out by their enemies. An enemy she and the Spree had been fighting for years now while the army engaged in their politics and petty squabbles with them.

Only silence followed as the dust around them settled. The Camarilla soldiers halting their bastard songs to survey their work, unaware of the storm brewing just a few meters away.

Something snapped inside Scylla as the last pebble hit the ground, the thread that had tethered her to this world had been cut, all the anger and grief that had been soothed by the presence of her fixer- her _dead_ fixer - was now freely raging inside her body like an untamed animal calling for release. She saw red as she eyed the faces of the ones causing her this pain. She had a perfect outlet for her rage, and they stood just a few meters ahead.

“Scylla,” Edith’s voice filtered through the blood rushing in her ears as she placed a warning hand on the brunette’s shoulder.

A small part of her knew that it was meant to be a placating gesture, maybe even one of comfort under different circumstances, but that part was an ember compared to the inferno consuming her thoughts as she watched the architects of her pain.

“Scylla, there’s nothing more we can do-”

Oh but there was, there was something they could do, that _Scylla_ could do and she was going to do it. A bolt of lightning flashed across the sky, her anger taking form and finally bringing the Camarilla’s attention to the impending danger.

Unfortunately for them, it was too little too late, by the time they turned she had already pounced upon her first victim, pulling the dagger she kept hidden in her boot and slicing his throat in one fell swoop before rising and turning toward her next victim.

________________

“Ugh, we’ve been walking for hours Bells, any sign of an exit yet?”

“Well first off, it’s been like 30 minutes,” Abigail started, coming to a halt before the two-way fork before them, weighing her options.

Raelle trudged to a halt a few feet away from the fork in their path that Abigail had been studying.

“And second?” she asked.

Abigail rounded on her, a small smirk playing on her lips, “This was your plan so shut up and help me figure out which path to take?”

Raelle scoffed, snatching the torch from Abigail’s hand as she approached the fork. “Save a girl’s life and this is the thanks I get?” she grumbled, “Usin’ her as a human shield next time”

She stepped out of the path of Abigail’s fist as she continued to investigate the fork, squinting into the darkness and willing it to reveal its secrets. As if on cue a huge gust of wind came rushing down the path to their left, almost knocking them off their feet.

They waited, shoulders tense, and scourges at the ready as they watched the path warily for any sign of malevolence.

“Camarilla?” Raelle asked, an answer already playing in the back of her mind.

Abigail was silent, her mind running through every possible scenario it could that _didn’t_ involve them walking straight into an ambush they most certainly wouldn’t walk away from twice. She came up empty. There was only one way out of this cave and they both knew it, the only question now was whether they would go out and meet their enemies or would they wait and let them come to them. She surveyed the cavern they were standing in, weighing her options. The walls didn’t look much more stable than the one they had just left, and it was half the size too. Best case scenario, the Camarilla would be kind enough to come down the path single file and they could pick them off one by one. Worst case? Another round of windstrikes and who knows what else and they really would get buried alive this time.

She sighed, rubbing at her forehead “Only one way to find out” she declared, tightening her grip on her scourge and slowly making her way toward their left. 

“Hey just,” she paused, reaching out and turning Raelle toward her and grabbing the blonde’s full attention. “Do me a favor okay and don’t get stabbed this time?”

Raelle huffed out a laugh but her answer was sincere “I’ll do my best”

“That’s all I ask” Abigail smiled and they continued their way down the cavern.

A few meters later and they were nearing the end of their journey with no Camarilla in sight.

“Do you think they left?” Raelle pondered.

“It’s possible but I really don’t think-” she froze. 

They were close enough to the exit now that they could see the forest bordering the desert. Not only that, the farther they walked, the more they could _hear_ it, and from where they were standing, it sounded...it sounded like battle.

**________________**

Her mind had never been sharper or more disorganized in her life, the red tinge from her vision making her more lethal than even the strongest blaster. She was death itself. A singular focus on doing as much damage as she could before getting taken down herself.

_As if,_ she scoffed, her blade connecting with the throat of yet another Camarilla foot soldier, their numbers dwindling as fast as their strength while hers only seemed to compound upon itself with each drop of blood she spilled, the sticky red substance doing nothing to squelch the inferno burning her up from the inside but calling to her nonetheless.

They hadn’t been quick enough to avoid her attacks, a swift bolt of lightning, white-hot and deadly taking out two of them before they could even fathom the onslaught that was to come. Scylla had taken out one more before the rest had come back to their senses, calling up a song that sounded like nails down a chalkboard to her ears, effectively cutting off her seeds.

_No matter._

She grunted as she absorbed a boot to her back, one of the soldiers capitalizing on her distraction. She turned on him, a lioness stalking her prey as she shifted closer. His sword was a fair shot longer than her dagger, a fact that given any other circumstance would give her pause but not today, today they all had to go, _one way or another._ For all her rage Scylla was still a strategist above all else, she knew charging him would only leave her with a sword sized hole in her chest and she would be damned if she let even one of these bastards live to see another day. No, they didn’t deserve the courtesy of the air they breathed, they deserved judgment hers and the goddess’, and she would make sure they got it.

She chanced a glance around her at the bodies lying at her feet. He was the last of them. That would not do. Something inside her screamed for more, it would not be satisfied until all the demons that had plagued her, that had plagued her parents, that tried so hard and eventually succeeded in erasing her charming fixer’s light from this world were eliminated. She was the only one left. If she failed, there would be no one left to get justice for those she had loved, _for those who had loved her_. The more she thought, the more her anger boiled, bubbling and burning away at her consciousness until nothing was left but a single thought, a single emotion.

They had taken her happiness, they took her strength, her hope, even her grief had been stolen from her, morphed into something to be directed and used at another’s behest and leaving her with one thing, the only thing she ever truly had. Her _pain._

“Gah” she gasped, snapping out of her reverie and just barely missing the sharp edge of a sword.

_Ever the opportunists I suppose_ she sneered.

He was bigger than her. His arms were longer, his body more than twice the size of hers, but Scylla was fast and focused, and absolutely _pissed_. The ensuing scuffle left them both disarmed and circling each other once more, both waiting, both biding their time and looking for the slightest opening in the other’s defenses, but Scylla was getting impatient. This soldier circling her and mocking her with every breath he dared steal from this earth. He needed to bleed, she needed him to feel the pain he had spread, feel the helplessness that had taken root within her, feel the abject terror knowing that he was at his end and that the thing he hated most would be responsible.

Looking back she couldn’t really define what it was, maybe a slight twitch of the brow, maybe it was a stuttered step that her eyes caught before her mind could comprehend, regardless, it was the opening she had been waiting for. She lunged, sweeping his feet from under him and pushing him down to his knees in one smooth motion before her fists connected. The first hit was painful, her knuckles screaming in protest as they came in contact with a stiff jaw, but none of it mattered. The inferno roiled and raged with every strike, each time conjuring up an image of Scylla’s pain. 

First, it was her mom. Her kind, caring mother who wanted nothing more than to live her life with the family she had raised. 

Then came her dad. A scholar, he loved to lay beneath the stars and chatter on about far away galaxies and constellations that Scylla could only dream of. They’d sit for hours and he’d tell her stories until her mom called them back.

Then came Raelle. Sweet, charming, loyal Raelle. She had been the only to ever truly _love_ Scylla after her parents. Sure others wanted her, but it was always for a purpose, a means to an end. Raelle was the first to truly love and accept her for who she was. Darkness and all. She had given Scylla somewhere to come home to when the storm in her mind raged beyond her control. She had given her peace and showed that maybe there was more to life than her mission.

It didn’t matter now, they were gone. All of them. Scylla had no home. No safe haven to run to when the storm in her mind became too much to bear. For the first time in a long time, she was truly alone and the thought left a gaping hole in her heart. 

There was nothing left. She had nothing left and in a way, it was peaceful. There was nothing left for her here, no mission, nothing left to do. Well...there was one thing she could do, she could make sure the monsters never took anything from her or anyone else ever again.

_“Scylla?”_

She could almost hear Raelle’s voice in the back of her head, a brief calm in her storm as she watched the light slowly fade from her victim’s eyes.

**________________**

  
  


“Scylla?” Raelle breathed, the name falling from her lips but sounding unreal much like the vision before her. _Scylla_ , her Scylla. She was alive. The aberration she saw in her dying moments taking form before her eyes with more fury than storm as she laid into the Camarilla soldiers before her, showing no mercy. She was a demon. No, no she could never justify calling the woman before her a demon. Not when her eyes still made Raelle feel like she was floating. Not when just the thought of being able to caress her soft skin, of her name leaving the brunette's lips made Raele want to fall to her knees and worship at her altar. No, Scylla was no demon. She was an angel. An angel descending from above to wreak havoc on those that wronged her, an angel of _vengeance._

She had seen Scylla's anger before. Felt it as palpable as her own whenever the subject of her parents came up or of Raelle's. She had felt it Whenever ranted about the unfairness of the system they were born into just to die for people who cared nothing for them. This was different. This wasn't her fiery necro ranting and craving justice, this was fury. Pure, undiluted range in the form of a 5'3" brunette.

She raced forward, watching as Scylla felled the last of the Camarilla soldiers with a quick jab to his jaw that made even her teeth rattle but she wasn't done. Whatever darkness Raelle had glimpsed in Scylla before was nothing compared to the absolute abyss she saw in her now. A once calm ocean now awash with angry waves roiling and crashing against each other in pure anguish.

The soldier at her feet had the misfortune of moving as she was gathering herself, reigniting the inferno within her as she pounced, pulling her fist back and letting it loose like an arrow from a bow and just as deadly. Once, twice, three times and again her fists never slowing, never stopping even as her target lay limp beneath her.

Raelle quickened her pace, she had to stop this. This wasn't her. This was the monster, the army, the Spree, heck the world thought she was and had done it's best to make her become. Raelle wasn't having it. She had lost too much, too many people to let them take her too.

"Scylla!" She yelled, closing the distance between them. The brunette froze at the sound of her name, her fist still in the air, still clenched so tight it was bone white.

Raelle skidded to a halt a few inches away, dropping to her knees as she approached?

"Scyl?" Raelle whispered. Scylla remained frozen, her eyes tightly shut as she fought whatever battle she was waging in her mind, in her soul.

Raelle inches closer, her hand reaching out but never touching the older girl.

"Scyl it's okay" Scylla released a shaky breath, her eyes still tightly shut.

"Hey, look at me" Raelle coaxed. She waited until Scylla's eyes met hers, her icy blues glistening behind the wall of tears that had begun cascading down her cheeks.

"You're safe okay? You're okay."

"Raelle?" Scylla breathed, her voice breaking over the blonde's name.

"Yeah, it's me, I’m okay"

"You're dead" Scylla stated, hands shaking and eyes glinting with a spark of the inferno from before albeit a duller flame.

"What? Just because I may or may not have been involved in a tiny little cave in?" She laughed, "no big deal really"

The brunette chuckled at her antics.

_A smile, that's good_

Raelle continued her approach, closing the distance between them and grasping Scylla's fist, coaxing it open and lightly pulling the brunette toward her. 

Scylla collapsed against Raelle's chest, her arms encircling the blonde and holding tight as if she was afraid Raelle would disappear at any moment. She was sobbing. 

"Hey, hey hey hey, look at me" she began, lifting Scylla’s head so she could look into her eyes, all the while still running her hands through brown tresses, trying to soothe the emotions ripping their way out of the broken girl in her arms, “you’re okay alright? Everything’s gonna be okay” she finished, her arms tightening instinctually around the brunette.

“You...you were gone. I thought they’d killed you and I just...I couldn’t stop I-” her voice faded out as another wave of sobs wracked her body but Raelle held fast, her hold never wavering

“Shhhh,” she cooed, “none of that okay? I’m not gone, I'm right here with you okay?”

“I thought I lost you”

Her voice was so small, so broken, cracking and fading out in odd places as she spoke. It tore at Raelle’s heart.

“You will never lose me Scylla,” she paused, taking the brunettes shaking hands in her own and pressing them to her chest before continuing, “I’m right here okay? I’m alive, and I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.” She sighed as Scylla burrowed deeper into her chest, arms still encircling her, still comforting. She huffed out a sardonic laugh, “Turns out not even death can keep me away from you huh?” Scylla chuckled, a real one this time as some of the anguish seemed to fade from her features. 

“I bet Quartermaine could give it a run for its money though” she joked.

“Maybe,” Raelle hummed, pressing a kiss to Scylla’s hair, “they’d both still fail though.”

She could feel a small smile against her chest as it spread across the older girl’s face and it warmed her better than any sun could ever have and she just knew that Scylla would be okay. That they would be okay.

“Just, promise me something okay?” Scylla whispered. Raelle waited, drawing comforting circles on the brunette’s back as she gathered her thoughts. “Promise...promise me you’ll stay?”

Raelle pulled back, raising Scylla’s head until they were eye to eye once more. She knew her answer. Always had. Staring into Scylla’s azure gaze, so filled with love, with a tiny spark of hope despite all she had been through, all _they_ had been through, how could she not? There was no other choice possible. Her hands moved of their own accord, tenderly grasping each side of Scylla’s face, holding her as if she was the most precious thing in the world. Her eyes roaming the planes of the brunette’s face, mapping every dip, every curve, every freckle that Raelle had never thought she would see ever again before bringing her forward and pulling her into the sweetest of kisses.

“Always” Raelle whispered back, and they sank together once more. Each one holding the other, offering comfort and reassurance, offering love, offering _home._

**Author's Note:**

> Okay well, that was quite the ride huh?
> 
> Ok listen don't hate me alright? It was angst hours, and the idea came...and then the scenes came and, and I couldn't stop it!
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Feel free to sound off in the comments, you know I love that :)  
> Kudos etc are also always appreciated <3
> 
> Until next time!!


End file.
